Spreading joy wherever I go....

Yes, I just spent the last 8 hours in the library. In a museum library. Should the opportunity ever arise for you to go sit in a museum library 4 days before you have to give an important presentation, don't. 

Let me clue you in. History students are anal-retentive fucks. Well, most of them. The rest of them, me included, have coping mechanisms that basically involve us either screwing off or pissing everyone around us off. Usually both. 

Unbelievably Crap British Film of the Week

Statement 1

I watched Red Mist on DVD yesterday.

Statement 2

I watched one of the worst horror films I’ve ever seen yesterday.

Statement 3

Statements 1 through 2 are not mutually exclusive.

It really was fucking terrible.

It’s from director Paddy Breathnach, who did the equally awful Shrooms, and it’s literally impossible to work out what on Earth everyone was thinking when they made it.

It’s even the worst Arielle Kebbel film, and she’s been in The Uninvited, John Tucker Must Die and American Pie: Band Camp.

I’ve just Windows 7 and I can’t work out how to screenshot DVDs, so I had to take photos with my camera when the boredom got too much. Excuse the quality. Here’s a woman who seems to have been cast solely because she looks like Keira Knightley’s less attractive sister:

Here’s a man who looks like a cross between Dane Cook and Mike Skinner:

And here’s the moment when Voldemort popped up for a bit

Mad.

Anyway it’s not remotely scary, logical, well acted, entertaining or original, so if you haven’t already guessed, AVOID.

The “cinema experience”

I love films, but generally speaking I hate the “cinema experience”. Every time I go I seem to add another reason to my list of why I should never go again.

1 : The price.

This is the big one. Today, I went to the cinema with a couple of friends to see the awesomely tacky Wrath of the Titans (3d) . My ticket was over ELEVEN POUNDS. OK, I had to buy the high quality, tres cool, Ray Charles style cataract glasses for a pound but the ticket alone was still over a tenner. If the cinema is worrying about attendance, the first thing it needs to look at is the cost of these tickets. For a tenner, I can buy 2 or 3 classic DVDs, treat my kids to a couple of books, or have a couple of hours at the driving range. That’s only when I go on my own too – if my missus, my kids and I all go together to the cinema, buy a bucket of the deliciously stale week-old popcorn and a bag of over-priced sweets, we are rapidly reaching the 50 pound mark. 40 pounds for 120 minutes entertainment is a fucking rip off. That kind of money would pay for a full day’s family excursion somewhere, or a full day on the golf course.

Ice-cream vans

I was cycling home from work last night and an Ice cream van overtook me at the same time started his music which made me shit my pantsand caused a wobble, then the prick cut me up and pulled in to park at his normal spot in front of me causing me to swerve out, thank god there was nothing coming the other way. In Germany the Ice cream van would have allowed me to continue first diffrent culture and Law coupled with heavy fines I know i was stationed out there for years. 

Why can't there be a solid white line 1m from the curb (1m will even allow a cyclist to miss drains etc) on ALL roads for bikes, to be kept clear at all times (no vehicles at all) even if the road is not very wide, that way in order for a vehicle to pass it will have to slow down wait untill its safe to overtake then pass. that way I wont get clipped or blown. I guess thats too much to fucking ask.