Service charges at restaurants should not be included in the bill

I am not a penny-pincher and I happily tip waiters or waitresses that deserve it. Friendly polite staff who have been attentive and who I think have done a good job will get a healthy tip.

It angers me when you go to a restaurant and they automatically add-on a service charge of 10% – 15%. I am the one who decides if the service has been up to standard not you, the restaurant manager. Basically they are saying “we know our service is good and we don’t give fuck about your opinion (the paying customer) so we are adding on another 10%, oh and you have no choice to pay it”.

Most places that do this don’t even tell you until its time to settle up the bill knowing full well you can’t get out of paying it no matter how bad the food or service was.

What happens if the service is bad? Can I ask for it to be taken off? Can I bollocks

People who put their bag on a spare seat on public transport should be made to walk

This one is self-explanatory really. You know what its like when you manage to get on a really busy bus or train and you identify a spare seat and think “result”. Only when you get there you realise the lady on the adjacent seat has decided she needs to use it to hold her hand bag. You then politely ask her “excuse, do you mind if I sit down?” and its met with “Sorry this seat is taken”. Sorry I must apologise I thought this was a bus carrying people not a luggage transporter. Perhaps you wouldn’t need such a big handbag if you weren’t so hideously ugly.

If I wanted to stand I might as well walk to work rather than have people’s sweaty armpits or halitosis in my face the whole way. I like using public transport but people like this should be made to walk. Then may be they would appreciate public transport a little more and I could get a fucking seat!

Reality TV

X-Factor, Big Brother, Pop Idol, American Idol, Britain’s Got Talent. Mind numbing, brain rotting excuses for entertainment.

Who watches this shit? I mean seriously, who has enough spare time on their hands to sit down and watch a mentally challenged woman from Darlington try to sing Phantom of the Opera? And then spend their own money ringing up to vote, which is a total waste these votes are rigged. Do you really think Simon Cowell would risk his own time and money flogging a dead horse?

It is time we stood up and say no more. Reality TV is just an acceptable version of the carnival freak show. They build these contestants up to be heroes and then ruthlessly rip them apart all in the name of entertainment. Take the audition rounds for example when they only show the nut-cases that think they have the voice of angel but tonally have more in common with Sloth from the Goonies. They have even started to put these people through to the “next round”, not because they are any good but because they are bat-shit crazy and they can get a few more cheap laughs from keeping them in the show.

People with real talent will always rise to the top. It takes hard work and dedication to get there but if you are good enough it will happen. Nowadays people see reality TV as a fast track to being rich and famous regardless of talent. Tell me how many people who won Big Brother or the X-Factor and are still classed as a celebrity today? Susan Boyle is the only one I can think of, yes she can sing but she didn’t become famous for that, she became famous for being one of societies miss-fits and she made “good TV”. No one seems to care it made her (even more) mentally unstable.

I equate this to going to a school and picking the remedial class to enter the school spelling competition, everyone knows they will be shit but at least everyone else will get a few cheap laughs. The sad thing is that the people who go on these shows don’t realise they are the butt of the joke and everyone is laughing at them not with them.

Worse than the shows mentioned above is the new breed of reality TV that is rearing its ugly head. TV shows like “The Only Way is Essex” and “Jersey Shore”. Do I want to watch some slag from Essex talk about how she got back-scuttled by half of the Southend Football team like it’s a badge of honour? I bet their parents are really proud.

Facebook Attention Whores

We all know this scenario, you log onto facebook out of sheer boredom, you hope to find that someone has posted an amusing story about their day or an amusing post from the Grumpy old Gits… But instead you’re greeted with a never ending list of other peoples problems.

The most annoying ‘depressing posts’ are from the real attention whores who’ll post something along the lines of “This is the worst possible thing that could happen, I don’t even know why I’m alive.” and then in the comments someone will have inevitably fallen for it and asked what’s wrong, only the be answered by “I don’t want to talk about it.” SERIOUSLY!?

The other annoying ‘depressing posts’ that really wind me up personally, are the ones where they do tell everyone what’s wrong with them and it turns out to be something so minor and insignificant that you have to take a second to work out whether or not they’re joking (Which they never are.)

Now don’t get me wrong I know everyone has problems and everyone deals with them differently and that’s fine, but 80% of the time you just want to grab the person through the screen and shout in their face “ARE YOU KIDDING?! I can’t even afford fucking food and you’re crying all over Facebook about that?!?!

People should stop telling the world about their problems and just deal with them like everyone else. What good’s really gonna come from you telling your 500+ friends that you’ve just had an argument with your wife? And do you really think they all want to take time out their days to read about how upset you are with your life? NO, no one gives a shit!

The fact that these people can even get onto facebook is proof that they have nothing to whinen about. They’ve obviously got enough money to afford a phone or computer. Which would indicate that they have a roof over their head, which in turn is a lot more than some people.

British Summer Time 2013 Ends

The clocks going back!! What’s the big deal!?!?! It’s nothing new, it’s not unexpected and it’s not the apocalyptic end of the word that everybody makes out!! It is simply an hour later than it was at the same time yesterday!!

So when you say to me “Oh my god….I can’t believe how dark it is….can you believe how dark it is?!?”

Yes….I can fucking believe how dark it is….it’s the same darkness as it was an hour later than this time yesterday! It’s not all of a sudden found a new level of darkness….it’s just dark!! Yesterday it was dark at 6pm today it’s dark at 5pm…..not darker….the same darkness….just earlier!!

And as for getting mixed up with what time it is…really?!?

Every single device I own since about 2000 automatically updates the time….surely you own a laptop? A phone? Sky TV? Freeview? The Internet? …..You know…the Internet!?!?!

Seriously people….it’s not that hard to deal with!!

Hopefully everybody has survived this…..until the clocks go forward…..Jesus….what will you do then!!! It will be lighter….can you imagine!!!! LIGHTER!!!!

Misleading Product Names

On thing that really irritates the hell out of me is misleading or incorrect product names.

For example a work colleague produced a product today called pear cider. Surely i had misread the label and it really said Perry - Sadly not. This gave me the incentive to write to one of these companies, The content of the email is below:

Sirs

Let me first of all point you to this http://www.babycham.com/home.asp

I expect you are wondering what this has to do with you? Simply put, the name of the product NOT the brand name.

As you can see it states the product is a sparkling Perry. I don’t know why you insist on calling your new product PEAR CIDER actually does not exist. If you look at any online dictionary and search for pear cider, you will actually get a similar result to this

PERRY

alcoholic drink made of pears, similar in taste to cider
if however, you search just for cider you will get this result

CIDER

In Europe, fermented juice of apples; in the United States, unfermented apple juice, unless allowed to ferment, in which case it is known as hard cider. Selected apples are grated in a mill, and the juice is expressed and, for hard cider, fermented and filtered. The commercial product is usually pasteurized or treated with preservatives and is frequently blended to balance the chief constituents, sugar, malic acid, and tannin. In France cider is made principally in Normandy and Brittany. It is at its best after a year or two in cask. English cider from the southern and western counties is noted and rivals beer as a popular alcoholic beverage. Cider is popular also in Germany, Spain, and Switzerland. Perry is a similar beverage made from pears.

It seems sad to me that such a long established company such as yours cannot define the difference to what their product actually is. In fact in your case, I am sure Henry Percival is turning in his grave (founder of the Bulmer’s cider company just in case you have forgotten who he was)

Bottom line is your product description is misleading. I strongly suggest you re-think your branding methods, and not insult your customers intelligence by inventing a new name for an existing product.

New Year’s Resolutions

Like 95% of people out there, I have never stuck to my resolution for the whole year. Plus, my life is pretty dull. I mean, the highlight of my day was burning my arm at work today. Not exactly news worthy (though I felt compelled to tweet it).

But that didn’t stop me from thinking of 365 (I guess in this case 366) day projects that I desire to do. 例えば、１日１回日本語で書く。Or read at least five pages a day. Ideally, I would do something in Rosetta Stone every day. But let’s face it, habit building and I are mortal enemies. It’s not that I don’t want to build habits, it’s that I am often struck by distractions and “one day off won’t hurt” excuses that are detrimental to the cause. See, I’m making up excuses. Alas.

A photo a day would be cool, but then again I don’t get out that much, and there are only so many interesting objects in the house. Unless you want to see 366 pictures of my cat, a photo project like that just wouldn’t last. Plus I want something a little bit more original than daily photographs.

Maybe instead of daily projects, I should go more long term like a weekly or monthly project. In a month, share a doodle, a photograph, a piece of creative writing, and an excerpt from a book. That sounds kind of fun. But don’t worry, I’ll forget the idea in a few days. ;)

Resolutions are just gimmicks to make you feel bad about yourself. It seems that the first of the year is the only time people strive to better themselves according to some weird tradition created to cause guilt for inevitable failure. What’s that all about? Who thought that was a good idea? I mean, really, can you think of anyone you know personally who followed through on a year-long resolution toward self betterment? I’m not talking numerical goals like reading so-many books a year (though that could be quite an accomplishment for a non-reader like myself). But now I’m just ranting.

I, as much as everyone else who looks at the first of the year a good time to strive for self-improvement, would like to actually follow through on a goal. The issue is finding ONE achievable goal and sticking to it. Which ONE should I choose?